1. in venting, i’m looking from strength not sympathy. i heard this from a woman standing in line behind me for the bus, and it resonated with me. and i find that i always feel guilty complaining about my life or disclosing something that has upset me, and for the longest time, i always felt like i had to follow up with a “i’m sorry for venting” disclaimer to my friends, when really, that small phrase puts everythign into perspective. that woman looked uncannily like Jayme Dee and she seemed so wise, and I wish I had spoken to her more.
2. Travelling has made me more appreciative of my city and of my life. it’s not perfect… my life is not perfect. not at all and this fact has been a great source of my frustration. but i… I somehow learned to love what I have through my visit elsewhere. That I am here, I have stability, I have a life I can carve here to make my own. I don’t know if I want to stay here forever, but I know that right now, I need to live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is
3. Life has been a whirlwind and i’m finding it hard to fully understand it. and i have headstrong and maybe it’s a weakness but it’s also a strength. and i will plough through this adversity. maybe i won’t come out of this whole, but i’ll come out of it. and i will become resilient, i will repair myself, i will become stronger.
4. I don’t know how i ended up here in my life but i’m determined to get out of this hole and get to the top. I am not complacent and not being happy with where you are in life is not necessarily some character flaw like all these hedonist viral articles on Facebook always hark. I expect more from myself, I know I can do better. And I won’t stand here enjoying this view when I know it could be more beautiful. I will not settle.
5. I still haven’t figured him out. I still think about him despite the months that have passed. And I’m not sure why I still care. I have tried to find this… these answers… but to no avail. I miss him. I am afraid of the person that I am when I think about him. Is that odd? Is that scary?
6. Growing up and aging has been taking a toll. It’s hard. You can’t control it but you want to slow the hands of time, even reverse it sometimes. Oh the things I could have told myself. Oh the things I would have done differently. I don’t regret anything you see, but there are so many things that I would have done differently.
7. This world does not accommodate American Dreams. There is privilege unspoken and it permeates everything.
8. I want to write more. I love poetry. I wish I knew more formal teachings of poetry.
9. I want to travel yet I need to save money. And it’s funny how I haven’t seemed to navigate the lines of whether I value material things over experiences or the other way around.
10. The world loses some of its lustre as you get older.