ten months ago, i would have cried, “how did you let him go?”
for he was kind, he was sincere, he was smart
armed with power and handsomeness.
and for that i, in the present, would answer
that he was like a bird in a house
a butterfly in my room
that i could not keep trapped
for he wanted to leave.
he would have left anyway
when he realized he couldn’t save me
and sweetheart, he tried to save me,
but i was not his to be saved.
that he took up the whole room
and you loved that.
until the day i realized that it made me feel so small.
that he was perfect, i really think so
but i stopped remembering to breathe
i just held it all in
hoping this moment wouldn’t pass too soon
hoping that i wouldn’t wake up
hoping that if nothing changed and time stood still,
then he surely had to stay,
but alas, i let go even when i didn’t want to
my face was turning blue
all i wanted was to breathe again
even if it meant bursting the idea of him
even if it meant feeling lost again
even if it felt like i was unwanted again.
so here you will be,
wearing my shoes,
falling into my footsteps.
the world is bigger than the glass globe,
the world is bigger than the stories that you write
the world is bigger than the one he walked through
the world is bigger than the one he has now adopted
the world is bigger than the one you thought was all you needed.
someday you will learn.
someday the world will be yours for the taking even if it seems overwhelming.
someday you will seize all that you have given.