a response

ten months ago, i would have cried, “how did you let him go?”

for he was kind, he was sincere, he was smart

armed with power and handsomeness.

 

and for that i, in the present, would answer

that he was like a bird in a house

a butterfly in my room

that i could not keep trapped

for he wanted to leave.

he would have left anyway

when he realized he couldn’t save me

and sweetheart, he tried to save me,

but i was not his to be saved.

 

that he took up the whole room

and you loved that.

until the day i realized that it made me feel so small.

that he was perfect, i really think so

but i stopped remembering to breathe

i just held it all in

hoping this moment wouldn’t pass too soon

hoping that i wouldn’t wake up

hoping that if nothing changed and time stood still,

then he surely had to stay,

right?

but alas, i let go even when i didn’t want to

my face was turning blue

all i wanted was to breathe again

even if it meant bursting the idea of him

even if it meant feeling lost again

even if it felt like i was unwanted again.

so here you will be,

wearing my shoes,

falling into my footsteps.

 

sweetheart,

the world is bigger than the glass globe,

the world is bigger than the stories that you write

the world is bigger than the one he walked through

the world is bigger than the one he has now adopted

the world is bigger than the one you thought was all you needed.

 

someday you will learn.

sweetheart.

someday the world will be yours for the taking even if it seems overwhelming.

someday you will seize all that you have given.

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